An Alliterative Special Edition
In no particular order:
1. BEST STREET NAME: Tie between Rat Porn Street and Soi Ding Dong (Ding Dong Lane). Seriously – I kid you not -- these are real street names.
2. BEST STUDENT’S NAME: Tie between Treetip Kumchumnum and Supaporn Loetwatthanasukan. (‘Supaporn’! Sounds like an English retail pornography chain!) Truly, you cannot make this stuff up.
3. BEST BEER: Beer Chang (Elephant Brand Beer); No debate here. Chang boasts a 6.4 % alcohol to water ratio and will set you back a mere 50 cents a can. What’s not to like?
4. BEST WACKY ENGRISH T-SHIRT SLOGAN SO FAR: This one is a photo finish: The winner by a nose is ‘Pirate of the Month,’ closely followed by ‘Summer of Milk,’ ‘Loud Monkey Music’ and ‘A Group of Puddles’ (which, incidentally, features a drawing of some poodles).
5. BEST WACKY ENGRISH BAND NAME OF ALL TIME: ‘Big Ass’, by a fairly comfortable margin of victory.
6. MOST UNAPPEALING SNACK FOOD (in ascending order): Runners Up: Dried Fish Strips and Squid Flavored Potato Chips; Third Place: Deep Fried Grasshoppers; Second Place: Deep Fried Flying Beetles; and the Winner is (no real surprise here): Deep Fried Larvae!
7. BEST THING EVER SAID TO ME BY A THAI PERSON: First Place: "You very long." (NOTE: We were both clothed, she was my mother’s age, and she really meant to say ‘tall’.) Second Place: "There are no pirates here in Thailand. We catch them all." (Said to me by one of my students, a Colonel in the Marine Police, roughly equivalent to the US Coast Guard.)
8. BEST SMOKE: Krong Thip, by a long shot. Smooth, tasty, and not lackluster like most other filtered cigs, they’ll run you about a buck a pack. Read it and weep, fellow nicotine-addicted New Yorkers.
9. COOLEST FORM OF TRANSPORT: Longtail boats. Forget the tuk-tuk, these homemade, low-slung wooden craft are powered by modified motorcycle or car engines strapped to their sterns, and are steered by angling the long rudder that sticks out the back (this is the original engine’s drive-shaft -- only extended, with a propeller welded to the end), thereby giving them their name: Longtail. The smaller ones can do about 20 or 25 mph, and the ones with the car engines can probably get up to around forty or so. But because you’re so close to the surface of the water, you feel like you’re flying.
10. BEST ANIMAL: Without a doubt, the Gecko. Every room has one. They’re cute and bright green, they can walk across the ceiling, and they eat the mosquitoes. Mine is named King, after the King of Thailand, whom he somewhat resembles -- except for the glasses, of course.
Geckos do rock, no doubt!
Posted by: GJK | September 09, 2005 at 07:54 AM
Tod,
I don't often have occasion to use the word "rapt", but as your journals of your escapades forcefully prevented me from peeing, smoking, or opening a new beer for the better part of the last hour, it seems like now's a good time. Not that I will actually use it, of course.
Despite being an incomplete stranger to you (we've spoken on 3 occasions, none of which being under circumstances memorable to you), I'm going to be so bold as to comment on your life and mental state. Fucking presumptious of me, I know, but that rarely stops me.
Anyway, reading your journal, I must admit your sabbatical seems to be having the intended affect. With what little observational authority I have, it certainly seems to me like your head's clearing a bit and your soul's balancing out. The petty covetous part of me that wants you chained to a bass and a microphone for my listening enjoyment recoils at saying so, but I'm happy for you. It took gigantic balls to escape like you did, and it appears to have been for the best.
On the homefront, I found a copy of Songs We Should Have Written in an Atlanta shithole record shop, new, for $9.00... I'm not really this naive, but it's amusing to imagine some of that will make it's way to you and go towards that new watch (or perhaps ant killer). Or at least half a can of beer...
Hope things continue to go well. I'll check in here every once in a while; take care of yourself and let us know how that pirate book is coming.
-Jeff
PS - Supaporn, hands down.
Posted by: Jeff K | August 02, 2005 at 06:56 AM